Santa Shane! Shane was asked a week ago to be Santa for our former church ward, Silver Creek. He had a wonderful time tonight. We got out after for dinner and this was our date night tonight. Shane loved it so much he thought of buying his own suit for future use and the most requested toy was...marbles! How funny!

Thank you for a kind friend who passed this poem on to me:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth.

It was time again for another birth.

Said the Angels to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"Her progress may be very slow,

"Accomplishment she may not show.

"And she'll require extra care

"From the folks she meets down there.

"She may not run or laugh or play,

"Her thoughts may seem quite far away.

"So many times she will be labeled

"'different,' 'helpless' and disabled.

"So, let's be careful where she's sent.

"We want her life to be content.

"Please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a special job for you.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role they are asked to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"And soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from heaven.

"Their precious charge, so meek and mild

"Is heaven's very special child."

This will not be a usual posting. Instead, I would like to take some time today to be honest and forthright with my feelings. I believe and hope that in what I post I am helping others know how to best support other families and friends who are dealing with extreme health challenges in their own lives.

I am exhausted of people telling me that I was given sick/disabled children because I am capable of handling the situation better then they would be able to do. The truth is, God does not give us trials because we are "prepared" but because he wants us to "learn." God does not give unhealthy children to one couple and perfect, healthy children to the rest. This is NOT God's plan. Instead, God has a greater plan in mind. He wants us to reach our full potential and for some of us (for reasons we may not ever fully understand in this life) we are given children with disabilities and health challenges. What does this teach us? This teaches us compassion, patience, Christ-like love and what the true meaning of life really is. For me, it has also taught me about the ugly side to myself, the side that struggles day to day, the side that sometimes questions the heavens, and the side that, yes in some awful moments, sees my children as those around me would see them...as disabled instead of as gifts from God. Never in my life have I become more close to my weaknesses than through the challenges I have experienced in the past three years. Yet, is this not part of God's purpose?

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Book of Mormon, Ether 12:27)

I am still standing in the refiner's fire. My imperfections are probably too noticeable to others, even in my sharing my feelings today I am exposing my imperfect thought processes. However, I hope that perhaps in doing so, I will touch someone else, help another understand, and give compassion to him who is seeking it.

I want to live my life in a way that my Heavenly Father would be proud. I have a long road to finish and many, many diversions to my path that I must overcome. I do know, even in my most difficult of moments, that God will stand by me and not leave me. He will guide me through this process and I hope and pray that in the end I will find myself that much closer to his spirit and companionship.

Do I understand why Noah and Jonah were born so early? Do others look at them as being a burden on society, especially Jonah with his disabilities? No I do not always understand and yes others do comment and look at them as being liabilities. The truth is however, that God's plan is not designed by men. God has the ultimate understanding of why my boys started their mission so early and why Jonah has his disabilities. In fact, I feel prompted to share part of Jonah's baby blessing.

"Jonah, your Heavenly Father loves you. He has shown that love with the many blessings that He has already given you. He has watched over you in your trials and tribulations. He has guided your parents and loved ones. He has guided your doctors and nurses. He will continue to guide us so we will raise you unto the Lord to be a true child of God. Heavenly Father has a wondrous and amazing life planned for you; a life with service to your fellow men and God, with many blessings and responsibilities."

When I read the blessings of my boys I am reminded of their divine heritage and of their divine mission. Although I do not have a perfect knowledge as to why they must struggle so, I know that God does love them and that they are fulfilling their individual earthly missions.

So, dear friends, count your blessings in life and support those of us who are still amid the "learning" process which places us in the presence of trials. And if God calls you to a similar path, realize that it is for your growth and well being.

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, for it tolls for thee." John Donne

Well, our first week without Grandpa is off to a crazy start.

Thanksgiving was wonderful and we thoroughly enjoyed having Grandma and Grandpa Langston here. We were all sick last week. I started to come down with what the boys have had last Saturday afternoon.

Monday morning, Jonah woke up sounding awful. Both Noah and Jonah finished their antibiotics on Saturday. Jonah was having awful coughing fits and he started acting strangely in that he had cold sweats, was using a loud, unusual cry and his body was shaky. His strabismus was also out of control (rapid eye movement) plus his heart rate was in the 180's. I really thought he was having another seizure. I called the neurosurgeon and pediatrician and we made the decision to get Jonah immediately on oxygen and down to Madera Children's Hospital. We went in to the ER and were immediately seen. They did not feel there was enough evidence to support having a seizure but ran other blood work and a chest x-ray to see about pneumonia. Everything came back fine but to be safe we also did a CT scan to make sure his shunt was stable. After an exhausting eight hours we were finally let go. Jonah was so worn out yesterday, he literally slept in my arms all day while in the ER and was so pale. He definitely was out of sorts and I am still not convinced that he did not have a mild seizure yesterday morning.

We made it home last night and were so tired that both Jonah and I went to bed early.

Shane has been blessed enough to work from home yesterday and today so he stayed home with Noah and I plan to rest some today as I am still battling this ridiculous cold. The worst part is how exhausted you feel when sick with whatever bug it is that I am carrying around.

We are at least grateful that Jonah was not ill enough to be hospitalized. He does appear to be feeling much better today and we are thankful.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes and for remembering us yesterday. We are grateful for everyone's ongoing support.

God bless everyone during this holiday season!

Below, I share with you my many, many blessings...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

It has been a busy, crazy week and while the turkey is cooking and most side dishes are just waiting for some oven time I decided it is best that I post something as I feel I am neglecting my blog now that I spend more time on face book.

The boys have both been very ill this week. I finally took them both in Tuesday and the doctor could not find symptoms of an actual infection but said they were probably starting something and with it being the holiday weekend he started a course of antibiotics. I am so glad he did! Tuesday night Noah started a fever and coughed himself like crazy through the night. Jonah has been so stuffy and he has hardly any interest in eating (ditto with Noah). They both I think are over the worst of it as of today (thanks to the antibiotics) and because Grandpa and Grandma are in town to help, Shane and I have for the most part survived and been able to catch up on sleep here and there.

I am grateful today to still be standing after another crazy year of hospitals, surgeries, diagnoses, medications, and all the other crazy things that come with being a micro-preemie mom. I am grateful to have a supportive husband, no other man could have gone through this journey and managed the extreme stress the way that Shane has...plus he is able to comfort me through my difficult, emotional days and still love me. He is one incredible man and I am lucky to have him in my life.

I am grateful for my sweet babies, life may be hard but these boys are close to the spirit and bring such love in to our home. Jonah, especially, reminds us of the most important things that life has to offer and he reminds us that God is near to us. Noah is a bundle of joy, I don't think one day goes by that I do not find myself smiling at his toddler ways.

I am grateful for supportive parents and in-laws, especially Grandpa Langston and Grandma Hanna. They both have given several hours of their time to come and be with our family and help with our load of care. We would not have survived with sanity in place without their support. We love you!

We will be eating around the table soon and as part of our family tradition we will share a few things that we are grateful for and mine will include all those things I have mentioned above. I am also grateful for a home, food, clothing and employment....many things that a lot of people throughout the world do not have.

Everyone enjoy your holiday, thank you for your friendship!

I am sorry I have not posted in some time. We have a few updates here at the Hanna home. Life continues to be busy. In regards to the boys, Jonah has done a bit better with eating since starting the Periactin. We still are not back to his normal love of eating but he has been taking food with a bit less fighting. We still have a ways to go but my hope is by December 14th he will have put on enough weight that the GI Clinic will be satisfied enough to let things go for the time being. Noah has come down with another cold (poor guy). We all seemed to get over this bug when Noah started again with a stuffed nose and congestion, now Dad is sick again too. Even poor Grandpa has taken his turn with this virus. Jonah finally goes back to school today (hurrah)! It will be good to get him back in to a routine. His eye is healing well and I do think we have seen improvement with how he holds his head (not so much leaning to the left now so he can use his right eye) and he does seem to focus a bit more with both eyes so hopefully this is a start in the right direction.

Thank you for those who have been praying for the Price family. They most definitely need all of heaven's blessings during this difficult time.

Grandma Langston flies in to town Sunday and we will have Thanksgiving here. I am excited for the holiday but a bit sad to see Grandpa return home. He is such an uplifting energy here in the home and these boys will miss him so much! Just Tuesday Grandpa took us to IHOP for breakfast and as he went to pay the bill, Noah could not see him and just burst in to tears. He is going to miss his Pa-pa very much! We will just have to convince Grandpa to come down again during the winter time. We enjoy his fun company. He is truly a Granmpa (ha ha!) He loves to do crafts with me, go to Michaels, enjoy shows, go out to eat, shop, you name it and he loves it. What a great Dad, eh? Plus his constant love for my boys is absolutely amazing.

Speaking of which, I need to get our Thanksgiving menu planned. I had great hopes of putting together my Thanksgiving and Christmas binders (plans, etc.) but I have just not gotten around to it. Too many projects I suppose.

I am proud to say that after much thought, I am trying to organize a local Mom group for Moms who have children with special needs. Shane helped me brain storm a cute slogan (The M.O.M. Club, Moms of Miracles) and I contacted the Director of Terrio Therapy to see if we could post a sign up sheet to see if we could garner some interest. I also spoke with Jonah's teacher at Richardson Center and in the end, everyone was thrilled with the idea. So we have almost a dozen moms signed up who are interested in a play group and if that goes well I may branch out and start doing a dinner out once a month just for Moms so we can get out and support each other. I plan to hold the play group at our local River Walk park which has walking trails and lots of play grounds plus a new Target next door so it will be nice for everyone. I hope this will be a positive experience and that we can enjoy getting to know new families and supporting each other in the blessings and challenges we all have of raising children with special needs. I hope this will go well.

Aside from this, we seem to be managing life at the break neck speed in which it happens (most days at least).

I am probably completely crazy but decided last minute to join some of the other church ladies to see the New Moon show tonight at 2:30 AM. I found out they had an extra ticket and they plan to do an early breakfast after. I am also going Monday with a big group that includes a lot of old friends from my former church ward but I decided, what the heck! You only live once and I need to get to know the women in my new church ward better. So I am off to bed and then in a few hours will get up to go see New Moon. I promise I will not post too many details for another week or so to give everyone a chance to go see it first.

For now, I better get some rest.

Friends and family,

I hope that my friend Amanda Lawrence does not mind that I ask that you please keep the Price family in your prayers. They lost their young daughter with Cerebral Palsy over the weekend. The reason for death is still unknown and the family is suffering from the horrible shock. She was also like a daughter to my dear friend Amanda as she spent her time in the NICU with Amanda's son Duncan. It is a great loss to both families.

God bless you Price family. Prayers are being said all over the nation in your behalf.

Just a quick update.

We are still trying to manage colds here. Jonah came home yesterday from surgery. Everything went fine. His right eye is pretty red from the procedure but otherwise he seems to be doing ok. He does NOT like his right arm splint one bit and I can't blame him! His right arm gets things done for him so having it tied up so he can't use it is no fun. He was very upset about this last night. Today he is trying to work around it. He will have to wear this for at least a week so he won't get to his eye and damage the stitches, etc.

This morning Jonah woke up sounding absolutely miserable. He has horrible congestion and I have suctioned him like crazy a couple of times today. Poor guy! First, surgery and now a cold! I was worried because this afternoon he was flushed but he is not running a fever so I am just keeping an eye on him. He is eating awful today but with a stuffed nose I can only imagine that eating is not that pleasant.

Last night we held our very first Family Home Evening. I have had the best of intentions to start but with Noah's non-existent attention span I have not been too motivated. I made an adorable FHE board at the recent Funtastic Friday event for the Relief Society and decided this was my motivation to start holding regular FHE's.

We had a quick discussion about Jesus and how he is Heavenly Father's son. We sang a few Jesus songs from the Primary, colored a picture of Jesus (Jonah got to use his light box to help him see the picture) and Grandpa bought Marie Calendars pies for dessert (yummm......) Was it perfect? Was there crayon throwing and temper tantrums after the first few seconds? Yes, but I am determined to keep trying. It can only get better, right!

I was able to get a few photos (see above)!

Just a quick posting.

We are sick here today. I have been in bed all day (thank goodness for Grandpa and his helping hands) and Noah has been ill too. Noah has thrown up a few times today, including all over our bed comforter and sheets (wonderful). Shane is at the doctor's office with Noah right now and thank goodness it looks to be viral. The pediatrician is going to prescribe meds to help stop the vomiting. Noah and I are trying to prevent our plague from spreading to Jonah who has surgery Monday.

On another note, Jonah is still not eating well. This is day 2 of the Periactin. We thought we were turning a corner yesterday when he acted hungry at lunch after finishing his 4 ounces of Kids Essentials. But today has been horrid as far as eating goes. We do not have him on the full dose as of yet. We may need to add that extra teaspoon in the morning. I am giving him one more day in the hopes that he will eat better tomorrow.

That is the latest. We will let you know about Jonah's surgery Monday. I hope I recover quickly because Shane may have to travel down to Madera without me on Sunday. The hospital has strict RSV guidelines right now and they only allow 2 healthy adults in with each child.

We will keep you posted.

Good news! We have approval for the Periactin. I am ecstatic (to say the least)! I will pick it up today and Jonah gets his first dose tonight. PRAY that this will finally get this kiddo's appetite going....it has been a long two and a half months since his surgery.

Hoorah! We are off to feeding and speech therapies for the boys.

Oh, I have to say...poor Thanksgiving! I went today to Michaels to look for some fall garland.....oh no. Every thing in that store is Christmas! As well as Target, Walmart and Pier One. I find some left over garland at Pier one but dang it, I don't want to pay what they are asking. I am trying one more craft store down town and see if my luck changes.

Just a quick update about last week's tests.

Jonah's delayed emptying scan did not show any problems. This is both good and bad. Good for the obvious reasons but we also do not have answers regarding his poor appetite. I spoke with the GI doctor Friday and she of course suggested that we go ahead with the nasal tube to augment what he is already eating. I told her NO, that we first needed to try the medicinal route and trial the Periactin to see if it would increase his appetite. Good thing I have been doing my research and have other micropreemie moms to share notes! I first heard of Periactin from my good friend Amanda Lawrence whose son is also a 24 weeker. They have Duncan on Periactin right now and she has said it has helped some with his appetite issues. I guess this clinic does not generally use the Periactin on younger children but thank goodness I was able to use Duncan as an example and she said she was open to possibly trying the medication but wanted to discuss it with some of the other clinic doctors first. She is supposed to get back to me Tuesday.

For those of you fasting in church today, remember Jonah. We do not want to put him through any more discomfort and adding a nasal tube, even if only for a month or two, would be absolutely horrible for his progress. His speech therapist this past Monday absolutely had a melt down over the idea. She said it would aggravate his texture issues and further delay any speech progress. She was NOT a fan of the idea and I am not either. So please fast and pray that the doctors will agree to trial Jonah on the Periactin and that it will be successful in increasing his appetite.

The big issue is maintaining weight as well as gaining weight. He really has not lost any weight in two months but we need him to start gaining too.

I am praying the Periactin will be our next option.

Friday was a very frustrating day for me. First, with Jonah's fighting over eating as well as the phone call from the GI clinic. They did talk about an endoscopy to see if the fundoplication might be too tight but they said really there is not much to do aside from waiting for his stomach to grow and accomodate food so I do not see the point in putting him through the endoscopy if we can't actually do anything about the results. Although I guess Shane is right that it will at least provide answers.

Saturday I cleaned house in the morning, Noah went shopping with Shane for our church trunk o' treat and Grandpa took Jonah on a nice, long walk. Saturday afternoon we ran around doing errands, grabbing a few last things and then off we went to the local park to set up for the trunk o' treat. It turned out really well. One of Shane's vendors donated 200 pumpkins and the bowery ended up looking pretty festive with pumpkins everywhere and we were able to send them home with the church families after the pot luck which was nice. We had trunk o' treating after. Jonah was not in a good mood so Grandpa took he and Noah home for baths and Shane and I stayed behind and decorated our trunk for the church children. It was a lot of fun! We all enjoyed dressing up and even talked Grandpa in to wearing a Dr. Seuss hat.

Halloween is officially over and Christmas is around the corner (well, it is already here if you hit the stores). Now I guess it is time to get going for Thanksgiving. I think this year I am starting a holiday binder. I am inspired by one of our church sisters in our stake who is the most amazing, organized person you will ever meet. She had a holiday organization lesson for us and talked about ways to organize for the holidays. I am going to start collecting menus, recipes, fun activities and organizing them according to holiday. That way we can start deciding on family traditions and have menus planned for upcoming dinners, etc. This will be a new project to add to the pile but it is one I am excited about.

Thanks everyone for your extra support and prayers. Our little family appreciates all the love constantly sent our way.

Happy Halloween everyone!

We enjoyed a fun pot luck and trunk o' treat tonight with our church ward. Shane and I went all 60's/70's and the boys dressed up like pirates, even Grandpa wore a Dr. Seuss hat. For those of you wondering what I would ever look like as a blond this it but I'm happy to say I can't wait to return to being a brunette!