Day of Challenge
“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” Mother Teresa
Today has been a difficult day. Little Jonah's bleeding is continuing to get worse. The realist in me says it is a matter of days before they decide to transfer him out for a shunt surgery. The bit of me that still hopes is pleading with God that some miracle will take place to spare him of the surgery. They also found a small bleed in Noah's brain (Grade 1) which they don't seem worried about as he has passed the first week that is the most volatile for bleeds but I am terrified within days he could be where Jonah is currently at.
Right now we are pleading that at least Noah will be spared the more severe bleed as the Grade 1 does not cause any issues and generally goes away as long as it does not worsen.
Good news is their other stats seem to be doing fairly well. Jonah is still up and down with his oxygen but that is normal for his condition. The white blood cell counts for both have decreased so that is wonderful.
One of our highlights for this trip was getting to see little Noah's eyes open and look up at us. The nurse called us over as she was changing him because he started to open his eyes and Shane and I were able to talk to him and watch as his tiny blue eyes looked up at his, directly at us. Three times the nurse turned down his oxygen because his breathing drastically improved with our interaction. He is so precious and to have that experience amidst all that negativity was honestly my saving grace which kept me from breaking down in complete hopelessness.
Thank goodness God sends small miracles at the times when we just feel like we cannot go on. We love our boys and pray that someday all this suffering will make sense. I hope someday I will have a complete understanding of why they came to us so early.
Love, Shane and Michelle