Sunday, June 22, 2008

I posted earlier this week about a woman on my Yahoo! group whose daughter was born at 26 weeks and had developed the Grade 4/Bilateral bleed. Sadly, late last night her daughter passed away. It was devastating to read and my heart truly felt for her as I remembered all those horrible times in the NICU when I was not sure if either boy would see another day. I even remember at one point planning funerals, thinking I was in the middle of the end.

I know I do not have a full comprehension why my sons lived when so many like them do not but I do know that God has a purpose in all things. I know my boys have a specific mission in life and I hope that as a Mother I can instill in them the importance of living their lives in a righteous way, living up to their divine potential as God intended for them to be here for a reason.

I am grateful God spared both my sons, there are overwhelming days when I honestly don't know how I will do it and days that I feel like I can't make another day happen, I will not lie about this. I won't lie about the difficulty I have with knowing Jonah's future could include disabilities. But I do know that this morning, when after reading the heart ache of this sweet mother that I looked at Jonah, sleeping so peacefully and felt so strongly that he chose to be here. I know my son accepted this life and accepted from Heavenly Father that this would be his path. He is a valiant spirit and for this reason it makes me want to be a better Mother and to have stronger faith that all will right itself in the end.

I am grateful for the deeper meaning my boys have given me in life, I truly have learned about God's influence and the purpose of life and how all have missions to live out while here on earth.

This week was busy. Jonah had his Wednesday appointments in Fresno. His eye specialist wants him to return in the next week to go through a series of Atropine tests. I am to give him Atropine drops 3.5 days before his exam to relax his eye muscles and dilate his pupils so they can see if perhaps glasses would help with his vision problems. If he passes the exam they will prescribe glasses, if not they will discuss surgery. Bless his heart, his challenges sometimes seem never ending.

Noah had a better week aside from his immunizations Friday. He was so sore and upset and even ran a mild fever for 24 hours. Friday night he was up and down and crying the whole night because he was so upset. Thank goodness I can say he feels better today. He is quite the charmer, he has taken up to talking at everyone and everything. He always has a lot to say to the world. It is exciting to see.

We put the boys down together yesterday on the floor and they had a blast with each other. They would coo back and forth to each other and at one point Noah decided to stick his hand in Jonah's mouth and Jonah happily sucked on his hand (as Jonah sucks on EVERYTHING right now).

Jonah, poor little man, has started teething. I am almost certain this is his problem as he is constantly rubbing his mouth and chewing on his hand or anything he can get near his mouth. He has started being super fussy too these past two days and we just hope this period will go quickly as not much seems to make him happy when he gets caught up in a fit.

Happy news, Jonah now weighs over 12 pounds. He weighed in Monday at 12 pounds 2 ounces and Noah 11 pounds 8 ounces. We are going to start supplementing their formula with Benecalorie to get in extra calories to try and beef up their weight gain as they are still lagging (although we were happy Jonah already made it passed the 12 pound mark, hopefully we will have him up to 15 pounds by his first birthday) and not eating as much as the doctors would like. Noah especially is not working up in his ounces and can be really fussy about eating. Plus he is so active and all over the place that coupled with his respiratory issue he burns much more in way of calories then Jonah.

Jonah is our sleeper and will eat well and then nap between feeds (aside from his new teething phase where he wakes up fussing more often). Noah however is awake by 6:00/7:00 in the morning and is up for most of the day with small naps in the afternoon. He does sleep well at night though which we are grateful for.

We were sad to see Grandpa Langston go, he was so wonderful to us and the boys and we miss him so much. He did so many things for both the boys as well as for us. I would find him often sitting on the floor working with Jonah, helping him work on some of his exercises for physical therapy or giggling at Noah and singing to him. He was amazing and we miss him every day. We will be glad to have him back for a visit in August. Linda is here now and is a big help. She also has sacrificed a lot for these boys and has been a great help in times of need, staying in the hospital with Noah, etc. Thank goodness we have good family.

Hopefully our next posting will bring good news. Thank you everyone for your love and support!

Love, Shane and Michelle


kristi said...

Just thought I'd check in and see how the boys are doing. It makes me laugh about the teething because once you think you have it figured out, it all changes again.

Is there a better or worse time to drop something by on your doorstep?
Let me know.

kristi said...

Also, please e=mail me at so I can add you to my blog. I closed it to invite only (because I didn't recognize some of the commenters and it freaked me out a bit).

Farmington 18th Ward Varsity Team - TROOP 7418 said...

Michelle & Shane,

This is Randy Pinson, I've been quietly watching/reading your struggles over the past months and just wanted to let you know that we are thinking about you and your little guys. We are proud of you guys! I am so glad things are getting better.