The Hanna Family

"Let God's will prevail."

I was struck by this quote as I read through an article of a woman in Egypt who recently gave birth to septuplets. When questioned if she wanted to undergo "selective reduction" (to reduce the number of fetuses) she told her brother that she wanted to keep the babies and let God's will prevail.

The reason I am posting tonight is because I wanted to talk about a sensitive topic for me. A lot of us mothers who belong to my micro-preemie support group are sometimes approached by friends, family and complete strangers and asked why we chose to let our child live when so many disabilities may be possible because of their extreme prematurity. Others are inappropriate enough to actually suggest we shouldn't have allowed our child to live.

My response is now and will always be that we chose to let God's will prevail. Does that mean I don't mourn what our outcome may be or what my children may not accomplish? No, it does not mean that. It also doesn't mean that I don't have days when I dream of what they could have had if they weren't born prematurely. It would be a lie to say that I haven't had those thoughts and others. But my mind always comes back to the night when we found out how severe Jonah's bleed was, I've mentioned this before in my blog. I remember the doctor actually struggling at the local NICU here telling us that his bleed was the most severe and that the risk for disability was high. I remember Shane and I physically shaking and breaking down in tears at the news, both of us in shock. His response was, "Knowing this do you want to change the course of treatment?" We both looked at him and said, "It is in God's hands." I also remember that around that time Noah was barely holding on, his breathing was so difficult and his lungs so fragile. Although Noah did not suffer a severe bleed he by far was more critical then Jonah several times during his NICU stay, at one point they were worried his heart was damaged as a result of his pulmonary situation.

It was then and is now in God's hands. I have said it so many times but I knew that if either of my boys were to survive the seemingly impossible it would be God's will. I still remember when Jonah was finally transferred down to Madera because his upper intestine had ruptured, the NICU was panicking as they did not know if he could survive being switched to a regular ventilator off the high frequency oscillator (transferring is very dangerous when a child is on a high frequency breathing machine). Hours before his transfer his sats suddenly stabilized enough that they were easily able to switch him over to the conventional ventilator and during the switch he actually was breathing on his own. I remember the look of suprise on the face of the doctor when he told us this.

It was then and several times through the NICU after that I knew God wanted Jonah and Noah to live. They both have missions to fulfill, whatever they may be. Will it be an easy road? No. Does that mean that the possibility of disabilities is an easy concept to accept? No. But in the end, knowing God's will was for Jonah and Noah to have bodies and be here on earth gives me comfort, even in my dark days when I question why God would put any child through this.

I have to simply breathe and "let God's will prevail."