Just a quick email as I really need to attempt to get some sleep.
We finally have an appointment set up for the 19th of September to see Dr. Lee in Los Angeles regarding Jonah's vision issues. I am desperate to get some answers and he was so wonderful in being very thorough with us back when Jonah was in the NICU for his ROP surgery this past December. I am really worried about Jonah's vision and I know that this is affecting so many of his developmental issues as well. I hope our appointment with Dr. Lee will be helpful. Shane is planning to go with me as we both consider this a very important visit. Jonah's eye specialist in Fresno is already talking another surgery on his eyes in the next few months, especially because the Strabismus is still such an issue. I have mentioned before that the lack of pupil dilation has me worried also.
Noah officially cut his first two teeth! His bottom front two teeth have now come in and boy are we paying dearly for it. He continues to fight the bottle and it has come to us syringe feeding him a couple of ounces every few hours just to try and get something down him. We've upped the Benecalorie and started adding calories back in to his solids as this is the only thing he seems to take more regularly and with more will. I am worried he hasn't gained any weight at all but hopefully he hasn't lost any either...that is a real worry. My fingers are crossed and hopefully we'll get through this phase without him loosing any weight. I have a feeling that teething is going to be a nightmare with Noah. Hopefully we'll find a way around him not eating as much and maintain his weight.
Jonah still hasn't brought up any teeth yet, although I know his have to be coming. He continues to eat well from his bottle and is doing ok with solids. He of course hated beans and peas but is doing ok with sweet potatoes. He still thrusts his tongue a lot but that may take time and NUK brushing to change.
I'm continuing in my quest to have a more bright attitude about the future. I really am working toward being a positive person even in the face of all that challenges us as a family. My husband is by far the better example as he is unfailing in his belief that our life as a family is exactly as God intended and he never questions. I am working toward having a similar attitude as I know that these boys have fought and endured so much to be a part of this family and they did choose to come to this earth and have these bodies. They wanted so much to have a body and have this earthly experience that although they knew they would face trials the blessings of having a body here on earth by far were more important. It goes to show what valiant spirits they truly were.
I am grateful for the good support and advice from my father. He has been a constant in my life right now, reminding me that no matter the future God is great and good and he will bless us. He also reminds me that even if Jonah has his disabilities, this means he is such a pure and sweet spirit that his election will be made sure with God.
I love the gospel, I love the peace it brings to my life. I have always said that if I were to blog I would be honest about our experiences. I have mentioned the difficult time that I am going through right now. It is a very difficult time, one that has had very dark moments but I have surrounded myself with as many spiritual influences as I possibly can and I have found that my faith has increased, that my testimony has strengthened and that God has given me spiritual promptings regarding our relationship that I have long needed to have. I know for a long time I was not relying on the Lord as I should have, that my frustration and often anger with my circumstances were preventing me from seeing the greater blessings, the greater miracles.
I also know that God has not left me, that he is with me, loving me and helping me through this time in my life. I am grateful for the Priesthood, the power of the Priesthood. I have received some amazing, insightful and inspired blessings from both Shane and my father. The spirit has been strong during these blessings and all those involved have born witness that God loves this family dearly and loves these boys very much. Just this morning, I was having a difficult start to the day and feeling very discouraged but as I left Noah's physical therapy appointment I felt the words come over me, "I will lift this trial from thy shoulders..." and I felt at peace. Today has been wonderful because I have felt so at peace for the first time in a few weeks. I can't say that means that this experience has ended or that bumpy times aren't ahead but I can say that God touched me this morning and let me know that he was very aware of all I am going through and very aware of my fight to overcome the negative influences in my life. I felt God's reassurance that as with Job he would not forsake me. In reading of Job's experience, after Job proved himself to the Lord by enduring the most severe of trials the scriptures say that the Lord "blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning" (Job 42:12). I know that if we can prove ourselves through our darkest of hours that God will bless us even more then we can imagine. I am grateful for this and I hope to keep this close to my heart as I face the road ahead.