Friday, April 25, 2008

“Some things are not problems to be solved, they are facts to be coped with.” -Unknown-

So I have been debating how personal to get on this blog. I know a lot of people read it and so sometimes I hesitate in what I say but I just felt like I needed to write this. I just want everyone to know that it is going to take time for us to deal with all that has happened over the past year. I wish I could say that I have completely dealt with everything now that the boys are home and I have a sense of normalcy but it really is just the opposite. I am so thrilled my boys are home and already the NICU is becoming faded memories (I think more out of trying to cope than actual forgetfulness), I want to make that clear. But going through such a traumatic experience leaves one forever changed. I am grateful to the micro-preemie group that I belong too on Yahoo. I have found many moms in similar situations who can offer comfort and advice. Just this week I found a member of the church whose son was born at 24 weeks a few years ago.

I've pondered whether I should discuss the importance of sensitivity when approaching our family but I don't want to discourage others from sharing their insights and or comments. However, after much thought I do fill that I must at least say this, the best thing you can do for our family right now is just to tell us that you care. I had a long discussion on my yahoo group over the past few days on how to "cope" with those who just really don't know how to treat you or what to say. I've had several people relate that they just don't know what to say to us or worse yet, just act uncomfortable in our presence.

Most of my fellow micro-preemie moms have this to say, treat us like we are human but recognize we are going through a hard time. Don't ask us questions that you would a mother who has had a full term child as our children develop differently. Stand by our sides and tell us you care but don't ask too many detailed questions about our painful journeys. Most of us are still dealing with all the terror of delivering such a delicate being into the world.

Right now I find myself struggling with wanting to interact with anyone outside of my immediate family and for now, that is ok. Most of us who have been through this experience agree that we need time to put things in perspective and both spiritually, mentally and physically heal.

As one mother said yesterday, "We kind of thought we were crazy to not want our old life back. However, the reality is that our old life doesn't provide the comfort we need. So we are building a new one." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Thank you everyone, family and friends for understanding. You all are so wonderful that I know this posting will be taken as a heart felt try at letting you know what our world is like right now and how we are learning to cope.

Love, Shane and Michelle

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