Thursday, February 12, 2009

Tomorrow we leave for San Francisco after dinner but tonight I am feeling sentimental and wanted to post once more before the weekend.

I have been trying to do meditative practices at bed time to think through all that is happening in our lives, especially with the boys and tonight I could not help but think of all the wonderful things they are doing and what blessings they are to those around them. I am trying to focus on the positive and celebrate the many things that they are doing vs. all that may not yet be happening.

I ran across the blog of a fellow micro-preemie mom (also has twin boys) and I really appreciated that she takes the time to periodically write notes to her sons on her site to let them know her feelings for them at that time. I felt inspired tonight to do something similar.

Dear Jonah,

I am so proud of you. Just today I was holding you and you were trying very hard to hold yourself upright so you could see all that was happening around you. You have such an infectious little smile. It truly warms the heart of many. You have just recently started babbling and trying so very hard to mimick what we say to you. You are such a happy, loving child. I could not help but think tonight of what a blessing you are to those around you, especially our family. You teach us every day the importance of loving life and the simple things, of smiling and of giving every day a chance to be good. You have experienced more pain and surgeries then most will ever know in an entire lifetime, your trials have been unimaginable to many yet every morning you greet us with a smile, a beautiful laugh and an excitement to start a new day. You do not let your challenges overcome you, yes, I can see you struggle to use your little body and can see the frustration at times for not having the capacity to easily do the things that so many take for granted. Even so, it does not stop you from enjoying the small and pure things that life has to offer. I can only hope to live up to your great example. I know God has given you a choice spirit so that you can teach others the importance of compassion and empathy, especially in a world were both are so lacking. I wish I could take away the apathy and potential cruelty that others may throw your way but I know God loves you and I and that he will protect us both. I also know that in the end even the hardest of people will learn and know that within your imperfect body lies the most virtuous and innocent of souls. Yes, I do believe that if not in the moment at some time in life even those that do not understand will come to know that you and others with similar disabilities have the greatest of all gifts and that is the purity that only comes with being close to the spirit of God at all times. I pray for you always as well as myself that I will be able to be the Mother that you will need and that I will be close to God at all times so that I can see the miracles that will take place as you go through life.

I will love you always,

Your mother, Michelle

To my vivacious, beautiful son Noah,

Every day I see you growing. Your beautiful brown eyes which remind me of your daddy look so curiously at the world around and your face brightens at the newness of all that surrounds you. I truly think I have never felt such joy then when I see you discover something for the first time. Your first, shaky steps with me walking behind you thrilled my heart more then any other treasure in the world. Your constant exclamations to the world by way of your endless chatter fill our home with such spirit that I think our lives must have been so empty before you came. You are ever aware of your brother and love him. He makes you laugh and you are always by his side. I know you both have a special bond that only two babies who have gone through such much can have. I already sense that you will be a great protector of your brother through life. He will be blessed to be your brother. Your special spirit is three times the size of your little body and although small for your age, your determination to be into and a part of everything pushes aside anything standing in your way. You love people, you are curious and watchful but quick to smile and engage. I sense that you will be a great leader and people will look up to you and that you will have a great love for those in your life. I love you and love this time in your life, every day is a new adventure where you find something new to conquer or enjoy.

I look forward to seeing all the great things that the future holds for you.

My heart is with you,

Your mother, Michelle


Rob and Tammy said...

Michelle, I love your blog and check it often. I have also told several of my friends who are having difficult times to check it out and see all that you and Shane have gone through with your precious boys. It will be great when you can bring them to SLC and we can finally give them big hugs. I hope you have a wonderful time in San Fran and that your Dad still has a little hair left when your return :) Please ask your Dad to call me because I don't have his cell phone number so I can get in touch with him.

Love you tons,
Tammy & Rob

wilkinson_fam said...

Oh Michelle -

Your letters made me cry! You are such a precious mommy. Like I've said before, these boys are SO blessed to have you and you are so blessed to have them. You have been prepared for this challenge and your boys will grow to praise your name for the love you have showered upon them and the strength you have given them. I am honored to witness such a miracle.

LISA said...

What sweet precious letters for two valiant spirits!